It's just an ache

Morning blood sugar: 3.7 (eek, a little low, but I felt ok, I seem to be low the next morning after having wine, even if it is just a couple of glasses. Or three :)
Episodes of low blood sugar today: None. Nice and steady all day, not high, not low, but just right. :)
"C's" Mood today: Good. Running errands with him these days are a workout in itself. Was happy to have tag team action for groceries today with my husband. C refuses to ride in the grocery cart these days and is not above running where he pleases through the store-hence we are running as well. 
Workout today: Along with grocery shopping, 40 minutes of yoga=wonderful. My legs needed it after a hill workout yesterday. I skipped Shavasana (corpse pose) as this is difficult to do without your toddler jumping on you while doing yoga in your basement home gym area.
Clean eating: Jeff's homemade pizza with a salad for dinner; he topped with veggie ground round, sundried tomatoes, olives and mushrooms-so delicious!

My girlfriend recently had her second child, just over a week ago in fact. She posted some pictures of her beautiful new daughter-that snugly, sleepy, smelling amazing newborn phase, I feel like I could almost smell her from across the country. This huge event in my friend's life has me thinking about a lot of things. When your first child is inching closer to 2 people begin to ask 'when are you going to have another one?' more and more frequently. 

Seeing my friend's new babe has me realizing that having another baby is no longer absolutely out of the question. In fact in the last few months I have seen pregnant ladies in the mall, or little babies in the grocery store and I get that "ache" that women always speak of-I'm guessing if this ache had a
name it would be called 'the baby ache'. 

It has been comforting for me to feel that ache once in a while because for a while I thought I would never feel it again. I adore C, he is my world, but in my first year of motherhood, to my surprise, I felt like a fish out of water. In other times of my life I have certainly felt the discomfort of not being good at something, or feeling that I wasn't exactly cut out for a certain activity. I never expected to feel so incapable and so overwhelmed as I did in that first 10 months of motherhood. 

Prior to having my son, I had this idea that I wanted three kids, and that if I was able, I would stay home full time to look after them. When C was about 6 months, I remember calling my sister in tears and saying something along the lines of "I don't think I can do this again" and "how do people handle two kids?" Of course, in her reassuring way, she calmed me down and reassured me that it was far too early to be worrying about 'the next baby' and that one day I would feel differently. Thank goodness she was right, the 'ache' has let me know that.

The diabetic in me is not quite there though. And the athlete as well. In fact, the idea of becoming a mother again as a diabetic is terrifying to me. I have been told by my endocrinologist that when you are diabetic, your pregnancies are 'planned' and that you are now in the 'high risk' category of pregnancies. This is a bit hard to swallow for me, not the planning part (I have that down), but considering I was never even plagued with morning sickness while pregnant with C (don't hate me, didn't puke once) this high risk thing doesn't sound too appealing. 

I'm just getting myself sorted out these days, I can't imagine currently making adjustments for a growing fetus as well. According to the doctor, insulin needs increase from 50-300% in pregnancy. Mind boggling for someone who feels they are just getting a handle on things, for themselves.

And of course I have that half marathon I'm training for as well. Oh right, and another $2,000.00 to raise. :) I'm realistic here-this is not the best time to reproduce again. I know that eventually it can be done-my mother had two healthy babies back in the day when they didn't have the best diabetic management tools, and it will be done if Jeff and I so choose. But right now, I am happy to simply feel that 'ache' once in a while, sniff those newborns in the grocery store, and enjoy having my body to myself-faulty pancreas and all.

 






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